On The British TV series The Crown a young Queen Elizabeth learns that what she must do most often is – nothing. That waiting for the right moment is what needs to be done and sometimes that moment just does not happen.
The COVID and ensuing crisis have given me a great sense of urgency. I feel I must be alert and at ready. My parasympathetic nervous system has become frayed by this as what I mostly need to do is – nothing.
Really – I tell myself there is not much to do BUT Be Sage, Be Kind and Be Calm. Still in the swirl of thoughts and emotions I am overly vigilant. I think that ties into my last post on Epigenetics. There is a part of me that was born vigilant and it is pretty certain This COVID means business. This part of my wiring isn’t going to take much downtime right now. What I do is transfer that need to do something to small daily tasks. Everything seems more urgent than it really is.
The other day though, the vigilance just cut out. It stopped and I lay on the spare bed relaxed. In fact oddly relaxed. No racing thoughts, no chatter, No desire to check on the state of affairs. I just lay there in a state of calm. I became more aware that I have been engaged in this over functioning behaviour. It seemed to lessen with the awareness.
Just prior to this in a few of my meditations I had begun to see that part of myself that is deeply wired to watch for threats. Constantly looking for threats – I have very little trust. I think some version of this survival focussed mind has been running since birth.
The learning never stops. COVID is the new teacher.
🌸 May you find peace – May you be sage.